Random Breath Test

“Evening, sir. We’re conducting random breath testing. We saw you approaching and decided to randomly stop you. Besides, I haven’t seen this new model Ford up close before and wanted to check it out. Nice car. Sir, have you had any drinks this evening?”

“No, I haven’t.

"Oh, well, can I offer you a refreshing beer, sir? I’ve got some in the patrol car.”

“Oh, that’s very kind of you! But I’m about to undergo a random breath test, so it’s probably not such a good idea.”

“They’re icy cold.”

“Mmm…I still shouldn’t. Tempting, though.”

“Fair enough, sir. Okay, I’m going to ask you to blow into this bag, and to keep blowing until I ask you stop. Do you understand?”

“I frequently understand – although some things are beyond my comprehension.”

… "Sir?”

“What?”

“The bag here.”

“You said you were going to ask me to blow into the bag. You haven’t actually done that yet.”

“Oh, yes. Silly of me! Okay, please blow into the bag and keep blowing until I ask you to stop.”

The driver places his lips over the tube and begins to blow into the bag.

“That’s it, keep going, sir…annnd stop. Okay, the light indicates you’re all clear. In fact I can see right through you.”

“Really? Most people say I’m difficult to read.”

“I wouldn’t say so, sir. Now, books. They’re hard to read. Alright, sir, thank you for being so cooperative. Please drive on.”

“It was my pleasure and I will.”

“Sir, can I ask you one last question?”

“Certainly.”

“That was it. That was my last question, I was just testing you and you were very accommodating. Oh, and, sir, I may need to call upon you as a witness. So, I’ll need your phone number, sir.

“Well, actually, you can’t have it – but what I can do is give you a copy. Let me write it down for you. Here you go.”

“Is this an original copy, sir? Although, I never quite understood this. How can a copy also be an original? And how can an original be a copy? Either you have the original, or you have a copy of the original. I don’t think the concept of copies should take on a hierarchal nature. It makes a mockery of originals and they were on the scene first. Where would it all end, you know? Like, ‘This is a copy of the original copy from the original’. See what I mean? Ludicrous”

“Well, what I gave you is a copy of my phone number. Anyway, what would I need to be a witness for?”

“Witness for the prosecution. I’m re-making a movie in my spare time. Policing just doesn’t pay well enough. Unless you accept bribes. You don’t want to offer me a bribe, do you, sir?”

“Well, I might’ve but without trying to sound petty, you did use up your one last question a number of lines ago.”

“Fair enough. Goodbye, sir.”

“Goodbye.”